Dear deviantART,

I know it's been far too long since our last embrace. You are like a mother to me, I was born here, and you raised me to be what I am today. I am sorry that I have left you, but you will forever be cherished. I miss you dearly, I miss those days when we were inseparable. Now that I've been gone for too long, I find it hard to build the relationship that we used to have. I've made endless promises to return, but only for a while, and I'm lost again. I would love to have it like we used to. Perhaps, I haven't been trying hard enough. Perhaps, I've grown up, and moved on. But at times, I ache and long to be with you once again.

With love,
Anna, deviant since September 5, 2003.

Hey, if you've time head on over to sueannajoe.blogspot.com for my photography & design blog and a new blog I did which is countthehtread which is a fashion blog, where I'll be posting photos on the things I wear, and mainly on what others wear, in other words it's a 'street style-ish blog' inspired by a bunch of fashion blogs out there, especially The Sartorialist. Do drop by, thanks!

Much Love, Anna

Is the type of camera really important? I started off with a compact digital,and slowly upgraded to a DSLR, which was the Canon EOS 350D, used it for years till it died on me, and recently upgraded to a Canon 5dmkII. Though I feel that my works using the compact digital had more impact compared to when I upgraded.

I just realized what I miss so much about dA.You tend to get opinions straight out and sometimes harsh without the anonymity. People at dA are opinionated, and not afraid to say so, some to the point of getting banned. Another place I can think of is photo.net, but the 'community' feel is not as strong as it is here. Here, you can get either fans, be inspired by others, and best of all new friends.

Of course, there are those who tend do be downright rude when commenting, but when looking back, and reviewing what they say, there is some truth to what has been said. I think it is up to the 'artist' to take that criticism and turn it into good, or completely shove it away. But then, there is a fine line, a balancing act, weighing what people think, and of our own thoughts. We should do things because we want to, and not because of what others think. However, it's equally important to at least consider what the other has to say, no?

On another note, the bad thing about being involved in dA, there is a high chance that you tend to be absorbed into the cliche of the things that are popular. You would see almost similar work that tends to get the top favorite. So there would be endless eye rolling and discussions of tired seeing the same thing over and over again. While the really really good ones go unnoticed.

Then, you have all these people, doing articles on 'hidden gems', which makes you fall in love with this place all over again. So really, it is a love hate relationship with dA. That's why I keep coming back. -Anna

I'm cleaning out my gallery. I'm beginning to be able to let go of my past. Plus a lot of them were quite crappy. Some I still fancy. A number made me laugh, and made me think WTF was I thinking when I did that, or why in the world did I think that this shit was good?

All in all, I need to move on. I've been stagnant for way too long. I say I want to move on, but I'm still holding on. I think that is why I've been lacking inspiration. There was nothing that I was looking forward to. Just the same ol same ol.

And, I too do clean up my 'favourites' once in a while. Same thing goes through my mind, what made me like this in the first place? But I do miss that feeling, kind of like that first love. Everything makes you feel in awe. I miss that feeling of not knowing shit, and thinking 'how'd he/she do that?'. It's like when a magician reveals his secrets, the magic is gone ya know?

Anyway, I'm feeling this surge of 'new things to come'. It just maybe another one of those feelings just passing through. I just hope it sticks around for a while.

Corny title. But seriously, my baby is really always on my mind. When I wake up in the mornings, right before bed, and even in my dreams. I think this applies to all moms & dads out there, especially first timers like me. Imagine, two people falling in love, and with humpin and pumpin, you get your very own little human being. And for the while 9 months, the tummy gets bigger and bigger, seeing the ultrasound scans, from a tiny little speck to a fully formed baby, with tiny hands, and toes. Gosh, it takes your breath away. And very much so during all that pushing. Haha.

Till this day, I still find it hard to believe that I actually have my very own child. I've always wanted a baby, always. And now, he's right here in my arms. Wow.

Initially I planned to do like an every day photo of my son, but I just wasn't in the mood to do so. I wanted to live the moment, rather than having to be behind the lens. Kinda funny since I love taking photos, and I really was interested to take those newborn images like Kelley Ryden or Carrie Sandoval, but it just didn't work out. I actually did try one time, but then he peed all over the blanket. Ahaha. So yeah, that put it off, and didn't attempt to do it ever since. The ones I have captured so far, are just spontaneous and candid shots.

Would like to try it again, but he's already 2 months, and those newborn photos are usually best when the baby is less than 3-2 weeks of age. Because they are all curled up and asleep most of the time. Maybe I'll do so for my other baby, haha, not soon though. Perhaps in another 2-3 years.

Have yet to print out his photos. My mom wants one to be hung on the wall with the rest of her grandchildren. I find it hard to choose which one though. So, I'm pretty glad that I didn't do the everyday photos, or I'd definitely be going mad trying to pick out the 'best' one as I'm having a tough time as it is.

Alrite, I really don't want my journal entries here ending up being personal, besides I do blog elsewhere, have one blog dedicated to all this mumminess at: The blog on an excited mom. Hehe. Excited indeed.

Much Love,
Anna

Gosh, it has been so long since I've been active here. Looking through and browsing through the submissions here on DA has left me in complete awe. Everyone seems so talented these days, and they are starting very young too! I started this whole shazam like 6 years ago, was active the first 2-3 years, then everything started to slow down. My photography that is.

I started alongside deviants like `larafairie & `zemotion and look where they are now. I dream to be on the same level as they are now, even though I started about the same time as they did. And they are SO much younger than I am!

There was a time, when my works were on the top favorites, almost every submission. I kind of miss those days. Not to say I was crazy for popularity, but the exposure was good since deviantART is a well known art community.

But then, later on, I was fighting with some personal issues, and it somehow affected my works. I kind of went down and down and remained stagnant. Not moving on like others are right now.

Yes, I do own my own studio right now and have a business of my own. But I don't know, I feel that there is something missing that I used to have when I first started on deviantART. I'd say passion. I realized though, this passion to create images kinda wore off since I got married. Things started to slow down. For some reason, I believe that I focused all my passion on my marriage and now my son. Not much on my photography works. Which is not bad at all, but I can't help but to remember the good old 'arty' days of mine.

At times, when I browse my gallery I feel somewhat lost. I do have this urge to create like I once did, but I just can't seem to find the 'thing'. Is it all gone? I don't know. I'm afraid to find out.

I'm thinking of starting all over again. Planning to clear up my gallery, leaving only a few of the old works. And start fresh. I really miss my active days on DA. Perhaps this journal entry is a kick start to get back into shape. So probably you'll see me around here more often from now on!

I miss you guys!!

Much Love,
Anna

Hello everyone!

The Award

Received 3 honorable mentions, and placed 1st for the People : Self-Portrait pro category. Yay! Will have my winning entry printed in the 2009 IPA Annual book. That's so exciting.

You can view my winning entry HERE. Just scroll down to the People : Self-Portrait category, my entry is the one entitled "Suhana".

The Pregnancy

Today I am 19 weeks pregnant with a baby boy!! Here is the ultrasound scan at 15 weeks & 5 days.  Hehe. The first trimester (1st 3 months) I had really bad morning sickness, was so dehydrated because I couldn't stop puking, I ended up in the hospital for about 4 days. Glad it's all over that part. And now, since two days ago he has been kicking me non stop. Can't wait to hold him in my arms!



Just created a pregnancy blog, theexcitedmom.blogspot.com. For more detailed updates!

Other stuff

So my studio is finally done. Business has been a bit slow since the pregnancy, but now that the whole puking phase is over, I can start getting back in action. Unfortuntely though, my 350d is dead, so I'm thinking of getting a new camera, I have my eye on the Canon 5dmkII. But I gots no moneeeeehhhh!!

How has everyone been? It's been pretty damn long since I've done any updates or uploaded anything here eh?

Much Love,
Anna

Hey hey,

I'm too lazy to upload the pictures here, but I do have it over my blog, if you're interested head on over to sueannajoe.blogspot.com to check it out. Wee.

Much Love,
Anna

Hey everyone,

I've been extremely busy. It was my birthday last 23rd March! Wee. Had a simple family dinner. Anyway, I'll be opening up my very own design & photography studio which is also a mini cafe & gallery and retail store sometime this month, if all goes as planned.

I'm just so damn excited, and very nervous!

Pictures of the place will come up when it's done, this is just the 3d rendering of it.

Woooooo.

Much Love,
Anna

Hello there everyone,

Happy New Year 2009! Wow, finally I've manage to take down some of my older works, and hopefully be replacing them with new ones. I really need to move on and start creating again. I've been holding on too long to my older stuff. So now I'm keeping it in my own little treasure box.

So do expect new stuff from me, I hope! Weee.

How is everyone? Have any New Year's resolution?

Much Love,
Anna

_{CLICK ON THE THUMBNAILS FOR LARGER VIEW}

Adorable huh? I just got him last Saturday. Yeee. So excited. I just posted a video of him on my youtube. Do check it out [link].

Enjoy!
Anna

Oy people! Finally I have a layout I'm satisfied with for my blog at blogspot. Do drop by, do visit, do comment, do follow. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I've asked this before,  but can't seem to find the entry on it. Where the hell did it go? Was I dreaming, or was it just when I was responding to comments? Hmmmmmmmmm. Sigh, my memory is not what it used to be. Haha, not that I have much in here, well I do have much, muchofcrap.

Oh well, do you blog elsewhere? If so, whhhheere? Blogger? LiveJournal? Typepad? Multiply? Xanga? Wordpress? Where? Or do you just stick to the one here, or you just don't blog at all?

Okay, bye. Do drop by my blog if you want over at sueannajoe.blogspot.com.

Mwahs!
Anna

I do!

[link]

Much Love,
Anna

Yeah, so if any of you remember, my past journals, rants, me complaining about how I terribly hate formal education. Well not hate, but it's just not for me. And my terrible case of procrastination.

I'm super old to be still going to college for just a diploma.

And, recently, I made a decision of quitting, called up my lecturers saying that I quit. Told my parents. And well, I almost did.

But then, there's just only this semester and the next left. Just a tadsy bit. It's just that well I don't know, I feel extremely unmotivated with my studies. Hah, and I always wanted to study to the highest level possible, MA, PhD? Like my dad, like my brothers. Yeah right, bite my arse.

From one university to another. From originally taking up degree I downgraded to diploma, and then it got worse and worse. And I wanted, and almost quit.

Here's the typical 'I know I'm not stupid' phrase. It's true, somewhat, at least I think so. Lol. I guess I'm just super lazy. And that's that. To some point I got depressed, and thought that I probably have adult ADHD, which now coming to think of it, I think is just bullshit. Just a cover up for laziness.

So, you know, I'm gonna get through this. Get this darn diploma. Paper isn't really all that important, especially in the creative industry, take `zemotion for example, and she's doing extremely well. Though, she seems more organized, and have a clear target in her life. She knows what she wants. She aims for it and bang! Must be all her rifle trainings. Hmm.

Hmm. As for me, at a whopping age of 26, I'm really a junkie minus the drugs. I don't have a college qualification, well at least I didn't drop outta high school. Ahaha. But yeah, almost everyone has a college degree these days.

However, I do get job offers here and there, even without formal qualification. I have appeared in some local mags, received awards, twice, but only minor ones, nothing big, been interviewed on television, locally. Nothing big, but well, it perhaps is a little something, but nothing to be super proud of. I mean, `zemotion well now that's something to be proud of, shes got like 3 awards for her photography from the British Professional Photography Awards. How cool is that?

I shouldn't really be comparing myself to others. I am my own. But until I graduate, I don't have much to be proud of. Only a little more to go, up till middle of next year. And only then, I can feel comfortable doing what I love most. And do it for a living.

That aside, I just ordered myself, a two new lenses, a 85mm 1.8 and a 50mm 1.4, all using the profit I get from my deviantart prints.

I'm planning to get a set of studio lights, and upgrade my camera. Interested in getting a 5D Mark II. But that would probably be end of this year or sometime next year.

It's been slightly over two years with my Canon 350D. It's a good enough camera no doubt, but I think it's about time I upgrade, besides I need to 'look' a bit more professional with clients. More convincing if I want to charge them high. Hahaha.

Recently also, I went to a studio lighting workshop, really need to start learning things. So much techy camera stuff I don't know. So yup, I'm really working on my camera knowledge. And I did get a few pointers here and there. And it definitely did inspire me to learn more, so much you can do with lighting.

I do prefer natural lighting, however natural light has its limits. And with these strobes and whatnot there is so much stuff you can do, it's amazing.

Also, I remember never wanting to do wedding photography, I just might. But mainly focusing on wedding portraiture and not the events so much. Plus it would be a good income for me.

That's all for now. It's been a while since I wrote entries like this here. Ah, I miss this place.

Much Love,
Anna

Yeay. Well I chose something very subtle. Didn't go super short, not as funky as my previous short hair. Not that my previous haircuts were super funky, but I like this. It kinda fits my mood these days. I just want it to be simple. =]

Thank you all for your input on my previous entry. So, how is everyone? Any interesting happenings in your life? By the way, do you guys blog elsewhere? I do, over at sueannajoe.blogspot.com. I'm still reconstructing it. I did have a few links there to other fellow photographers in that blog, but I have yet to re-add that list.

My more personal blog is in Malay though, which is at bududanbelacan.blogspot.com. I've been blogging like crazy there.

So, here's some photos I snapped of my new hair. Weeeee.





Much Love,
Anna

Will be cutting my hair short again. Can't stand the length, the heat, the care, it's just too much fuss. I got alotta other things to think about.

Anyways, what kinda hair cut would you suggest I do? Any visual examples?

Oh, and here, I would like to share you a collage of the short hair I've had throughout the years.

Much Love,
Anna

I think I need a dose of inspiration. It's been too long.

Hello. Just created an account over at imeem.com and uploaded 2 songs I did using Garage Band last night. One song is in English and the other my language Malay.

I posted the lyrics and embedded the player over at sueannajoe.blogspot.com. So do drop by and have a listen!

Much Love,
Anna

And, why?